![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Comfort Zone
Jan. 20th, 2010 08:42 pmA couple of days ago the New York Times published an article* about the rising numbers of men who are marrying women that are better educated and earn higher incomes than themselves.
There's also some discussion about the difficulties that arise in relationships where the women make more than their husbands do. I'm sure that's something that's even more common after the economical disasters of the last couple of years, and I've read other articles about how depressed men are getting when they're laid off and forced to depend on their wives.
On a conceptual level I can kind of understand why men can get so upset about that. Even in the era of my childhood in the 80's, it was pretty heavily drilled into me that I would be responsible for taking care of my family, that work and a steady job are an important part of that. Now that I'm years beyond that upbringing, I find myself a little amused that I heard that as often as I did from my single mother who had to work two jobs to support us.
But I have to wonder if I got it less than others because I'm one of those men who is married to a women who earns more than I; in fact, she makes considerably more than I do. That's never bothered me.
I've long since become accustomed to the realization that I'll never make a lot of money. Money in general isn't all that important to me, not compared to my overall job and life satisfaction. More than once I've chosen jobs that paid me less than other opportunities simply because I knew I'd enjoy the work more.
What's far more important to me than the dollar figure is the value either my wife or I place on our work. She happens to love her career and the money just happens to be somewhat decent. I enjoy not having a career in favor of moving around and trying different kinds of positions and responsibilities. For me, a job is always a fantastic learning experience because it involves so many things I'm never done before and that's something that I can find some pleasure in.
But the money is generally secondary. I like getting paid, I want to make as much as I can but generally speaking my happiness cannot be bought. And there are so many things more important in a partner, lover, friend and spouse than the paychecks they bring home. Yet this is often a deal breaker for people and try as I might, aside from the background impulse, I don't really understand that.
So in the end, I'm glad to hear that the status quo is changing. I'm glad that more men are becoming comfortable with their wives and partner's success.
There's another side to this that does concern me, however, and that's the decreasing education on the part of men. Women are increasingly pursuing higher education that men are not and I don't think that's a good trend. Everyone should be learning more.
Of course, with the higher costs of education the value of college is also becoming rather debatable. That's another post entirely.
* There won't be too many more NYTimes articles I link to, given their new plan to apply online fees next year.
There's also some discussion about the difficulties that arise in relationships where the women make more than their husbands do. I'm sure that's something that's even more common after the economical disasters of the last couple of years, and I've read other articles about how depressed men are getting when they're laid off and forced to depend on their wives.
On a conceptual level I can kind of understand why men can get so upset about that. Even in the era of my childhood in the 80's, it was pretty heavily drilled into me that I would be responsible for taking care of my family, that work and a steady job are an important part of that. Now that I'm years beyond that upbringing, I find myself a little amused that I heard that as often as I did from my single mother who had to work two jobs to support us.
But I have to wonder if I got it less than others because I'm one of those men who is married to a women who earns more than I; in fact, she makes considerably more than I do. That's never bothered me.
I've long since become accustomed to the realization that I'll never make a lot of money. Money in general isn't all that important to me, not compared to my overall job and life satisfaction. More than once I've chosen jobs that paid me less than other opportunities simply because I knew I'd enjoy the work more.
What's far more important to me than the dollar figure is the value either my wife or I place on our work. She happens to love her career and the money just happens to be somewhat decent. I enjoy not having a career in favor of moving around and trying different kinds of positions and responsibilities. For me, a job is always a fantastic learning experience because it involves so many things I'm never done before and that's something that I can find some pleasure in.
But the money is generally secondary. I like getting paid, I want to make as much as I can but generally speaking my happiness cannot be bought. And there are so many things more important in a partner, lover, friend and spouse than the paychecks they bring home. Yet this is often a deal breaker for people and try as I might, aside from the background impulse, I don't really understand that.
So in the end, I'm glad to hear that the status quo is changing. I'm glad that more men are becoming comfortable with their wives and partner's success.
There's another side to this that does concern me, however, and that's the decreasing education on the part of men. Women are increasingly pursuing higher education that men are not and I don't think that's a good trend. Everyone should be learning more.
Of course, with the higher costs of education the value of college is also becoming rather debatable. That's another post entirely.
* There won't be too many more NYTimes articles I link to, given their new plan to apply online fees next year.
